This has been my favorite English class, the friendly atmosohere, the caring people…..man I sound like a commercial for some cafe or something…*snickers*…..but anyway seriously I’ve enjoyed this class….I wasn’t restricted from writting the way I write(with the morbid and totally unhappy stories) I couldn’t be shy and untalking in this class, everyone had to talk atleast once…..And when I finally got out of my shell man did I talk……With a bleak outlook on life and on the characters of human kind none-the-less, but still I talked…And that makes me really happy…because I used to be that little girl in the corner of the room, too shy to even say her name…..I would shakily stand up, the floor seeming to shake underneath my feet…..And my voice would quiver when I would say, “h-hi, I’m-I’m J-j-j-jasmine.” then I’d crumble back to my chair and remain quiet for the rest of the class…..This class has really helped me grow. Thank you.

This year to me was very very c-r-a-double p-y……..Alot of family issues have been going on……Like to the point where I feel I can’t it anymore and just want to curl up in a ball until all this is over…..You see, this and last year have been major lesson learning years……and also this and last year made me quiet the cynic, or “emo” as Emily likes to call me…..I learned that I really can’t trust people….and many people have other motives, they are only good if it’d do them good too(at least in my life thats how it is), and I learned not to let people walk over me(well thats a good thing….but the rest isn’t)…….You see, (remember that Blog 3 thing for Crucible….the “friend” was me) for this whole year I’ve been fighting with inner battles so huge and destructive, that I’m surprised I made it this far……But I’m a survivor and a winner…..So I will not let this beat me…..I’m going to beat this…..I have a right to happiness and I’m not gonna let my mom, my brother, my stepfather, or my family take that happiness away away longer. I’m done with it…..I’m not their easy target to blame anymore……I don’t deserve that…..I know better than that…..I didn’t ruin the family, I didn’t do anything that warrants the hell they are putting me through…….I love them, don’t get me wrong…..I just so tired of the emotional hell they are putting me through……Well sorry for that rant…..I needed to get it off my chest……thank you…… Have a good summer and Thank you for all the help(even though you probably didn’t know you helped)….

                                                                                                           sincerely,

                                                                                                                 Jasmine Jade  

“I’d pet ‘em, and pretty soon they bit my fingers and I pinched their heads a little and then they was dead – because they was so little”

This whole book made me feel sad and almost made me cry. I would hate to live with the mental ability of Lennie…..Especially if I knew that I was smart and able and agile before I became mentally “ill.” But I don’t really think that’s a good word for it….I don’t know what a good word would be…….but I just don’t like thinking it as a sickness…..

 “Where the hell is that god damn nigger?”

 I also hate the prejudice and the dislike of people in this book, because it is very sad and disheartening. Because it really happens and so many people are affected by it….some people even kill themselves or just live unhappy lives. And NO person deserves that. No one on this earth deserves to be treated like animals or worse…..everyone deserves atleast some respect.

“He pulled the trigger……Lennie jarred, and then settled slowly forward to the sand.”

God it must have been hell to have to kill his friend like that. It would kill me. It would be the most agonizing things to do in life. I would probably lose my mind and/or check myself into the psych ward, because I wouldn’t be able to go on. So I feel for George and I cried horribly when I read this…..I just wanted to hug George.

 “’ I thought you was mad at me, George.”

Lennie said this with such innocence that I bawled basically…..Because he doesn’t really understand the severity of what he did…..And he doesn’t realize that his life is about to end, by George’s hand…..It broke my heart……Its like he’s a little kid and he doesn’t know any better…..

I loved and hated this book…..I love it for its well written and its awesome storyline…..But I hate it for the emotions it pulled out of me….This is the only book that has ever really made me cry. So it was that well written….I LOVE/ hated it…….I wish I could go in the book and hug each of them….

This statement shows the major contrast between George and Lennie…. Basically George is being described as a human but Lennie is being described as an animal, kinda like a dumb animal. And what else, Lennie kinda fits the description his mind is totally elsewhere….like the light is out in the lighthouse.

“I’d pet ‘em, and pretty soon they bit my fingers and I pinched their heads a little and then they was dead – because they was so little”

I kinda feel sorry for Lennie…..It almost makes me cry. Its like he doesn’t understand things at all…Like he doesn’t understand why the mice die, because they are so fragile and he is too strong and he doesn’t understand what his strength does. He’s just like a little kid, I just wanna hug him….sigh…….poor guy….i guess i pity him……:(

“Well, look. Lennie – if you jus’ happen to get in trouble like you always done before, I want you to come right here an’ hide in the brush”

This to me is foreshadowing that something bad is gonna happen. Like something horrible is gonna happen and that brush is gonna be used later on in the story. I hope Lennie will remember this….Hopefully this wont be used….I’m kinda scared by this statement…. 

“Lennie said breathlessly, ‘He’s brown an’ white jus’ like I wanted’” 

I like this Lennie guy, his innocence makes me smile. If a grown man(even if he may be mentally ill) finds joy in a puppy its like maybe life an so bad i guess….I really do not know where I am going with this. I just loved this quote because this remind me of my childhood when I could actually find joy in the little things….I seemed to have lost that ability…. Its kinda like the “take time to smell the roses” thing…..kindaish but not really…..

“Jus’ tell Lennie what to do and he’ll do it if it don’t take no figuring”

This quote shows that George knows Lennie enough to know what he can and cannot do. And he can also know when Lennie is lying and he knows how Lennie reacts to things. It takes at true friendship to have a bond like that. George cares enough to learn all of George’s quirks and he cares even to live with him…

“But you get used to goin’ around with a guy an’ you can’t get rid of him”

This made me think about how i am with some of my friends. They grow attached and I grow attached and its  a whole attachedfest…… But maybe I feel for my friends in a different context than George probably does for Lennie….  

 My questions are:

1.  Will Lennie and George make it to their dream ranch?
2. What is that one chick gonna do to make their lives hard?
3. Is something really bad gonna happen?

       1. I find it interesting that they find dreams to be nessecary, sure they can be….but what happens if those dreams are crushed?

       2. I love the analogy of George and Lennie being wolves….its quite fitting.

       3. I think Lennie lives off of instinct most of the time…..but he still follows george’s example…….Like he is still a kid but full of instinct….sometimes a potentially daangerous potential…

EVAULUATION:

        1. I find the graphic organizer an interesting way of keeping a record of the discussions.

        2. But I also find it kinda annoying to have to toy around with…..but maybe its just the mood I’m in…..sigh

        3. But I like the fact that its technilogically “advanced” if you may…..maybe the correct word would be technilogically “friendly”

This kind of behavior kinda creeps me out. I mean seriously who ever stays that clean, its gross….Its creepy in a way…Like they need to be completely sterile or something….it’s just not right….there is bacteria all over….in the air, your skin, your body….so what’s the point of trying to keep yourself “clean” like that……..(now that my slightly off topic rant is done)….But in the book, i think the old swamper is just saying this to make the bed and room less dirty and gross.

 ”Ya see the stable buck’s a nigger”

I hate how it just seems like people back then treated people who looked different like animals… Well not just seems, they did treat them like that. It’s horrible to imagine what those people went through…It’s not right, Just because someone was born with different pigmentation doesn’t mean they should be treated like crap…..thank god its a little better….not by much…..but at least they are seen with a little more equality.

“Where the hell is that god damn nigger?”

For some reason I seem to be on a antiracist rant today. See this statement just shows that “white” people have no respect for the “colors”. They don’t even say the name. They just act like the “nigger” is their property, an object. It bothers me greatly because people are people no matter what. No matter what color they are, what sex they are, what orientation they are. They are just people. Brothers and sisters, if you will. But that view all depends on what your view is on the ”creation” of the Earth….but that’s a totally different and off subject rant. 

“Her voice had a nasal, brittle quality”

This statement makes me think that this girl is a whiner…..I have no idea why, its just an image that popped in my head. And this girl seems to be a brat and a trouble maker who loves attention…..She just seems to be the type to be unfaithful. This trait might be the cause of some conflicts later on.

He looks over at me and smiles
A weak fragile smile
His eyes drown in sorrow and pain
Yet he smiles
 

I ask him why does he smile
How can he smile
He looks into my eyes
And says something I will never forget
 

He says, “my dear, there are worse things
then a few harsh words
worse things then a lonely life
There are wars at home
That see no end
There are pregnant children
That have lost the joy of childhood
There are murders
For reasons that make no sense
Like for gayness
Or for jealousy
There are kids out there that have
 no family to fall back on
There are people
Who have no home
No job
No money
There are people who are abused and hated just
Because someone thinks them weird or weak
There are children whose
parents openly hate them.
There are people who can’t trust or love
Because someone they loved destroyed their heart
There are people who know no love
All they ever known was hate
There are kids who feel like
Their world is coming to an end
There are people who kill themselves
because no one cares
There are children who have to hide the bruises
Their parents give them
There are girls who hate touch
Because of what their fathers did
So my dear there are worse things
Then a few harsh words.”

When he finished there were tears sticking to his lashes
My own eyes brimming with tears
He smiles, clasping my hand in his
The contact causing me to look at him
His eyes smile into mine
And for a second
The world seems sane

I’ve had people ask me…if this boy is real….To them i would say nope, just a character…..

well in a way he is real……alot of the things  he says have been based off of things that have happened to me and people I know…….the boy is based off of my views on life and the attitude of a few of my friends and I…… but basically the boy is my voice in the form of a young boy(talk about sexchange….haha)

I wrote this poem at one of the lowest points in my life…..where everything seemed to go to Hell in a hand basket…(pardon the use of hell)…….And i’m not one of those people who thinks that i’m the only one in pain……everyone has their own silent(or not so silent) battles that they have to face……I’ve stated quite a few in this poem….

I also wrote this poem for this girl who was talking about suicide because her boyfriend thought some other chick pretty…..OH MY GOD! how selfish and stupid can she be? She is not the only “pretty” girl out there, and who cares if someone is prettier…UGH….now that my rant is over……

My heart drowns
In a sea of
Despair and torment
The crimson tide
Washes the Hate
ashore.
Dip your feet
In for awhile
And then maybe
You’d understand
Don’t stay for too
Long
The Hate will soak
Through your skin
And seep into
Your veins

Rotting hands reach for you
From the depths
Scratching and clawing
Digging into your
Skin
They drag you deeper
Deeper into despair
Every last Hope falling off your skin
In a last macabre dance

Your screams of agony
Are echoed by the
Laughter of the corpses
My own laughter ringing
In my ears
Now you understand
Now you feel
But it is TOO LATE
The Hate has
Already made
Its home in
You.

The wind screams in agony
as the fire from your eyes fade.
The trees shake in terror
as blood spills from your heart.
The Leaves flee in fear
as your body collapses to the ground

My heart cries in misery
I collapse to the bloodied earth.
My knees soaked in the crimson river.
My hands search for your fading light.

Your shrieks spread through my veins
They lead me to your fading heart.
I seize your hand.
Your agony jolts up my arm
Causing me to shriek and jump back.

With no connection to the outside world
You fade into the crimson river of despair and sorrow
Your eyes the last to leave
Blaming me for this mess.

I wrote the first stanza after one of the worst days of my life. I was depressed and angry. Then the second day of poem writing made me fisnish the poem I didn’t want to finish at first. The last stanza is about my family. Well actually the last lines of the last stanza.

This poem is part of the “H.A.T.E” series. This is Agony for “A.” I will work on Hate for “H” the next time. Then Im either going to do “Twilight Scars”, “Torment”, or “Temptation” for the “T”. Then I will write “Escape” for the “E”……….don’t tell me I need counseling because I already have it………Bye!